The Secret Garden of losing loved ones

It's 10:48pm and I will be boarding tomorrow at 12 noon to Korea to see my grandma. I never lost a loved one before, well actually someone so close to me before. So such thoughts like "Is she going to be okay?" and "I wonder how she looks like?" keeps running through my head like a NIKE commercial. Usually I like to keep these kind of things private but I decided to share this experience with those who have not yet lost someone.

The tremendous amount of fear is the very first thing that runs through my veins, mainly because I honestly don't know how it will feel. My boyfriend's grandfather passed away and I was there to comfort him and tell him that he's in a better place. Of course I couldn't fully understand what he was feeling or how to comfort him because I have never had a family member or anyone pass away.

I have lost many people, not in that kind of sense but in other ways. I've lost numerous friends to drugs, alcohol addiction and even prostitution. Growing up I saw first hand how a person sways and fall down the wrong path.

My best friend in 6th grade was a real goody two shoes, she never cursed and she NEVER littered. One time we gotten into a really big fight due to my careless littering of a gum wrapper, for god's sake it's a gum wrapper. She came from a descent Hawaiian family, they were tight and always cared for one another. They were well mannered, respectful and very understanding. Her parents always set the best examples possible for her and she followed very well. Then slowly she began to feel low and restless thinking that people hate her. She had a very small flaw, she had a tear drop size of a mole on her ear that was easily covered up by her long black hair. This never bothered me, I didn't find it gross or anything. But the other girls who I hung out with thought differently.

I socialized with girls who mainly cared about their looks rather than the grades they got on their exams, that cared more about who's dating who and what designer brand was most popular that season. So when we started to reach that point in our lives where there was rivalry between girls, they attacked the most vulnerable from the herd.

Boy, did they tear her apart, they played dirty and always got away with it. No matter how hard I tried to defend her and make the other girls see that she's no different that any of us, they ganged up on her even more. So eventually she did "bad" things to fit in. The last I heard was that she was selling herself on the corner to get cash for heroine. Her mother called me and said i was forbidden from seeing her ever again, and just like that my best friend was taken away from me.

This is just one of the stories I wanted to share about how I lost my closest friend throughout the short years of my life. And none of them compares to the thought of losing my only grandmother. i know there are many others out there who wishes that they had more time with the ones that they've lost and I my heart goes out to them. I wish I had more time to love and appreciate her, I wish I spent more time with her when I had the chance.

Lesson learned: Never underestimate the importance of time. Time is like reefs in the ocean and the innocence planted in children. It's something that goes unnoticed, it's beauty is subtle and silent. It's even more precious than the 7 wonders of the world and the generations of mankind. If used wisely, time can be used to experience every experience, achieve the unachievable, believe in the unbelievable, and live the very life that was given to us to its magnificent best.
Without it, the joy we feel, the sadness we learn to endure, the hope we forever hold in our hearts, and the love we express for others are all meaningless. I ask myself "How can we do all of this without time?"

We can't.

The Secret Garden of working over time and emergency patients

The date was October 15th 2009, the time was 4:00pm, location: acupuncture clinic.
When I took this job I never thought that I would be stuck after hours with an emergency patient, squeezing puss and tissues out of a patient's stomach for 3 hours.

Patient comes in at 4:00pm, sits down in the waiting area and leaves to the bathroom then I hear a desperate yelling coming from the bathroom. I bring in the doctor to the bathroom and when she got there, there was puss everywhere, on the floor, the door handle, the trashcan, just everywhere. He suffered from a long term disease which imitated colitis, which is a inflammation of the colon that causes diarrhea, abdominal pain, painful bowl movements, etc..
His lower stomach was hard, he looked about 6 feet and weighed less than 110 lbs, so he had a very thin frame but with a rock solid lower stomach that stuck out like a pregnant woman's belly.

No one knew what it was, his doctors has given up and concluded that he might not be able to make it. So eventually he came to our clinic looking for help, he took our herbal medicine and the inflammation started to worsen. We found out that the thing that was in his stomach was years and years of puss that has built up by the bacterias that was living in his body. The puss eventually became solid and expanded, so the herbal medicine liquefied it and the skin was no longer able to hold it; so it exploded.

We spent 4 hours tending to the patient and placing tissues under him so the puss can flow out, we didn't even squeeze it most of the time and it came out. The most painful part was when a tissue or the root of the problem; the bacteria chunks were exposed and the acupuncture doctor had to pull it out of his 6 mm diameter hole in his stomach. It was definitely disturbing, the smell lingered around the clinic until the next day, half a gallon of Clorox did the trick I must say. So we spent from 4 in the afternoon til 7 in the evening and I stayed until 8pm sanitizing and cleaning.


<--Yes, that is a picture of me taking a 2 minute break, the picture was taken by my boyfriend who waited 4 hours to take me home. Thanks babe. I took pictures of the whole mess but I wont post it because it might traumatize the readers. At the end of the day I was exhausted, I had a paper to write and when I got home after a short dinner it was already 10pm. That's when the tears came, having two jobs going to school full time and this was just the cherry on top. Anyone who is going to school and working will feel my pain. There is that point in our lives where our everyday routine becomes too much and we need a break, but what happens when the break doesn't come?

The lives we live are not picture perfect but bitching about it wont do us any good either. I learned to accept the situations as they come and if there is something that we can do about it to make it better, I should do it. But if there is no way out and we need to wait until things become smoother then we should. For a year now I've been complaining about how I am sacrificing so much for my family and nothing made me feel better until I realized it'll get better later. That doesn't mean I'm going to wait here like a fool for my "moment". No. It means if there is a way out but it's not due to be here until next year; I'll plan and set it to action when the time is due instead of forcing them to happen now.

Patience.. I'm learning it. Day by day.

The Secret Garden and That 70's Show

It's an obsession and it's official. I love the 70's show. This is one of the best comedy shows ever. It has the whole package; the spoiled brat, the tomboy, the ridiculously stupid good looking bonehead, the reliable one, the foreign kid, and the pot head orphan. It's a feel good show!

I'm sure everyone has their own favorite show that they just love to indulge after a long day at work or school. It's like having a cigarette, only that it wont give us cancer and it wont cost as much money as actually buying cigarettes. Also I must say I love the show's constant exercising of the word dumbass.

So how is this a big part of our life?

Shows like this drives people nuts, they schedule their work around it, they record it, they replay it, they buy posters, they buy DVDs, they google the casts, they just cant get enough of it. The shows are what keeps us sane in my point of view, when we are just having that one really crappy day and all we wanna do is just ugh! not do anything, just relax at home, just pop in that DVD of our favorite show and just watch the show. It clears our mind and relaxes us.

As I am writing this right now I am watching the season 4 of That 70's Show from my very new special edition DVD set of all seasons1 thru 8 that I just bought 4 days ago.

My favorite has to be Hyde, he's fricken hilarious. He was in beethoven's 2nd as the kid who takes out Rice on his motorcycle. Ooh la la.
And what's the deal with Leo man? He's like Jesus man. Like he's so cool man like he's done everything man.

That 70's Show is like a stress reliever, and some how eventually I'm not going to watch it as much as I do now. Yeah, like a phase but it kind of come back like an old knee injury. But it's going to be a part of our lives, we are going to always turn to the little part in the back of our minds where we remembered how great it felt to watch the show. Then we are gonna put that DVD in our player and watch it over and over again!

Another thing, isn't it gross how Jackie was 14 and Ashton was like 20 when they filmed the first season? And they were going at it like dogs. And what's up with Jackie and her rainbow stuff? It's like a leprechaun tackled her and vomited rainbows on her, only with out the pot of gold.

Okay so this is the episode where Dana is with Casey in a hotel room and Eric comes to stop her. It's so sad, he's so hung over her and what's more sad is that the most nicest guys in the world ends up all hung up on one girl. I have this friend who has the most annoying, ten timing, cheating, lying girlfriend in the world and my friend is such a sweet guy. And he's hung up on her. So there you go. my point proven.

In conclusion, That 70's Show is great, greatness and all things good. Teaches life long lessons and things what not to do. It gets us through tough times and comforts us.

The Secret Garden of being afraid of the swine flu

H1N1 Swine Flu Cases - U.S.A. U.S.A. Cases Deaths Alabama 330 Alaska 60 Arizona 761 10 Arkansas 42 California 1985 21 Colorado 136 Connecticut 1247 6 Delaware 316 Florida 1302 5 Georgia 118 Hawaii 616 Idaho 92 Illinois 3166 13 Indiana 267 Iowa 92 Kansas 117 Kentucky 130 Louisiana 183 Maine 82 Maryland 591 1 Massachusetts 1308 3 Michigan 484 7 Minnesota 576 1 Mississippi 161 Missouri 65 1 Montana 67 Nebraska 111 Nevada 301 New Hampshire 224 New Jersey 1159 9 New Mexico 232 New York 2499 44 North Carolina 255 2 North Dakota 57 Ohio 120 1 Oklahoma 128 1 Oregon 366 4 Pennsylvania 1748 4 Rhode Island 158 1 South Carolina 160 South Dakota 29 Tennessee 174 Texas 3991 17 Utah 920 10 Vermont 49 Virginia 191 1 Washington 588 4 Washington DC 33 West Virginia 154 Wisconsin 5861 4 Wyoming 81 TOTAL 33,902 170

http://www.disabled-world.com/health/influenza/swine-flu/cases-statistics.php


-- Honestly I was one of those people who never worried about swine flu, thinking no way is that thing gonna harm me or people around me, but then I got a call from my sister who is currently in boot camp for Army National Guard in South Carolina. She said that on of the soldiers that were there died from a lung disease. She said that everyone was required to call their families to let them know that everyone else is okay. Later on in the news there was an announcement that the soldier died from swine flu.

It made me wonder, how did he get swine in the first place? Did this guy get it before camp and died there? Or did he catch it there?

Actually, when she called us it was about a week and a half ago and she said from that day, almost a week before, the soldier died. For a moment I started to question the government, they inspect the soldiers to make sure that they are not infected with anything, that they get vaccinated. How could they overlook this?

Of course I came to my senses and realized that the soldier must have caught it during camp. Then for a minute I pictured the ill soldier in my head, all the pain he must have gone through. Not only did he have the flu, he had to go through training. He must have suffered so much.

There are even more cases of swine flu that didn't get reported, it's frightening to know that so many people died from this flu in Mexico and now it's spreading everywhere. I never paid attention to this flu, I never thought that it would affect me in anyway but I realized that there is chance that my family members could catch swine, so it's best to be on the look out for this flu.

At some point I was paranoid about it because someone can have it and pass it to a friend and that friend will pass it to a friend and that person will pass it to someone I know and then I'll have it. People say that it's mind over matter but doesn't that only apply to pain? I guess not but still if it become a obsession what's going to happen next?

The Secret Garden of forgotten birthdays

It's a bummer, forgotten birthdays are the worst, the forgotten-er feels the tremendous amount of guilt and the forgotten-nee feels the cold shoulder. Then there is that awkwardness that dwells around the whole day and even forces the meanest people to be nice for that one special day. Unfortunately I am one of those people who forgot a birthday today, it's my co-worker's birthday and i forgot it. The shame! I felt really bad since she gave me a 100 dollars for my birthday and have been so nice to me though out the year.

Can forgotten birthdays separate friendships, relationships and even family ties? Just because of that one day can it drive people apart?

From my personal experience I believe it does. I had a friend who considered me her best friend but to me she was one of those friend who I felt that only called or messaged me when she needed something from me. So when I didn't text or call on her birthday she got upset and that ended our friendship.

So in conclusion, we threw my co-worker a party in the end and she appreciated it, she didn't want one from us but it was something that we felt like we needed to do. Birthday cupcakes, tiaras and sashes were involved, she looked pretty.

The Secret Garden of customers we hate

It's unavoidable, they are everywhere and they keep coming back...

Yes, you guess it, customers - annoying, rude, arrogant customers. Age and gender doesn't matter, nor does race, height or size; they come in different forms and share the same mind crushing characteristics. They enter the "DO NOT ENTER" zones, they pull, push, fondle with things that clearly says "DO NOT TOUCH", they demand that they get their money back after opening and re-taping back their products, and they always want things to be accommodated to them.

I really feel sorry for cashiers, I swear they have it the worst because it's dealing with money. I work as a front desk clerk so I feel their pain, it's exhausting trying to deal with them. And how we deal with them is a even bigger headache, of course we can't yell at them or just bang their heads against the table, no that's unprofessional. All we can do is talk to them in a reasonable manner which is torture!

Things would be so much easier if there was a guidebook about how to handle these things, a little black book that has step by step instructions on how to talk to the patients calmly and not offending them so that they will leave immediately, how wonderful would our lives be if that existed? Unfortunately that is too good to be true and life would be drama-less if we had one of those books so that's why we have to learn to deal with these kinds of things the hard way.

One time I was working at the clinic and this woman demanded to see Rosie, for those of you who don't know Rosie is my boss/mother's dog and she is just precious. Rosie usually sleeps in her bed right next to my desk where patients are not allowed to come in. So this patient decides that she wants to pet her while she is sleeping and comes barging in to the employees only area, so I stopped her and said "I'm sorry but this is an employees only area," then she gives me the most coldest look and says " I only want to see the dog, I'm not doing anything." Usually my older sister who is more masculine handles these kinds of situations but she is in South Carolina for her training at the Army Base. So for a good 5 minutes I repeated the sentence over until she gave up and sat down. Then the next week she came back for her treatment and she does it again! Why? Why does this woman keep doing this? Honestly I don't know, but what I do know is that there are unreasonable people out there who have absolutely no common sense. We can't control the peoples' stupidity, all we can do is control ourselves and perform the appropriate actions to the customers. It's frustrating, I know, sometimes I want to slap them upside the head and most of the time I imagine that in my head and it helps me to put a smile on my face while I deal with them.

Bad customers are a pain in the neck and from personal experiences, do whatever it is that make you feel better but never NEVER use ice cream as an outlet for your feelings - they go straight to the thighs.

The Secret Garden for the love of Dogs

We all have reached a point in our lives where we love another person, cared for another person and done everything in our power to keep that person happy. It's exactly like that only it's about a dog, the big question is "Is that normal?" Honestly where do we draw the line between loving a dog and being completely obssessed about it? My dog Rosie is a tiny little shitzu and she is spoiled to the max, she has never been on a leash nor has she ever walked on a street. For her birthdays she get an overly expensive Juicy Couture doggy carrier with embedded crystals and an imitation sheep skin blanket so her precious little body won't be tossed around in the carrier.

What could possibly be the reason why people do these things? Actually better yet, why is it that my mother do these ridiculous things to the poor little dog? She needs to be freed, run wild with her tongue flapping out of her mouth and bark at helpless birds. Is it love or is it being too attached? Or even worse, believing that dumping on mountains of designer products for a dog will bring them love?

So that leads to a new question: How far will people go to keep their dogs "happy"?

I work at an acupuncture clinic so there are loads of people who adore Rosie and spoils her every time they come to the clinic for their treatment. One of our patients have brought her doggy dresses while the other brought her chopped sweet potatoes in a little container. Talk about high maintenance, Rosie DOES NOT drink warm water nor does she drink water that has been sitting out for more than 2 hours. How would she know if it's been sitting out that long, no one knows.

I swear she is not a canine, she is a reincarnation of a princess who died from having all of her excessive unnecessary objects falling on her when she opened her closet; her excessively, unnecessarily, ginormous closet.

Rosie refuses to eat eggs, shrimp, certain types of fish, soy sauce, and all cream cheeses except the vegetable garden cream cheese along with her toasted bagel. Surprisingly my mother accommodates to her ridiculous needs and spoon feeds her the food during dinner time.

I wonder how many people feel like their parents/spouses dogs have been picked over themselves because I certainly feel like that. Which makes me question the whole purpose of having a dog, isn't having a kid enough? I always thought the whole purpose of having a dog is to be a watch dog, at least I think so? Don't get me wrong I love dogs, it was my idea to get Rosie and it was my money that got her to our house. But it's gotten to he point where she has taken our fur jackets and seat cushions for her personal needs. What about my fur jacket needs?!

Maybe one day there will be a law against unfair jacket stealing for dogs.

That would be just delightful.