The (Ex)treme - how far will we go to get over an ex boyfriend?

The Break Up

People say "time heals all wounds", that within time all of the pain and suffering will soon decrease into nothing more than a quick flashback of memories. In order to arrive at this point of numbness and freedom, what needs to be done? What if waiting is not an option and getting over him needs to be done right at this moment?

Many women cry and mourn for weeks, even months to get over a relationship but not all women can afford to break down. Working women especially can not take time off for weeks by putting their obligation on hold to let time do it's job. These women need to pull themselves together and show up at the office on the following morning, so then what is their solution to this matter? Find yourself another hobby. Whether it's hiking, clubbing or another man, it always seems to do the trick.

Though this habit can be useful and tremendously successful, it can be harmful for the soul. This constant need to occupy oneself in order to repress their emotions and behave humanely can lead to feeling empty and unable to feel whole.

It's understandable to want to keep busy from letting the mind enter the state of depression but maybe it's healthy to cry, bitch and scream about the person who mattered the most.

There are women who lose all respect for oneself and punish themselves for letting the relationship go sour. Some women feel free to be out of the cage and have numerous sex with different partners, male or female. Other women latch on to other men to replace the previous one. Then there are women who seek revenge by transforming themselves to their ex partner's ideal image and brutally kicking him to the curb. 

How long must this madness continue before things get back to normal? Is there even a possibility that after a relationship things are not even slightly effected? Is there such thing as normal?

Even after all the pain and heartaches, can the mind not have  alterations of any kind? If the mind is not influenced then it means that person was of no significance.
Is this really what most women want? To not feel pain at all?

How many more drunken phone calls to the ex and late night booty calls does it take for women to finally accept that wallowing is a part of the break up and it's okay to want to do so?

It's normal to feel sad and lonely but once that mountain of aftermath has been climbed, the side of happiness and contentment is waiting on the other side. Take a look around and really appreciate life as it is because without it, there wouldn't be room for growth or the need to evolve as a human being.

No more putting up a front only to have it torn down with a single phone call. Just be sad then one day it won't be so scary any more.

Finding Mr. Right; Should Women Settle for Mr. Almost?

Many have attempted, rarely they've succeeded and majority have failed. Why is it that women have this mentality that men can be changed and that if they invest all of their love and wishful thoughts it will come true? Women have this idea that men desire our motherly care and that is what we are placed here for, but after seven cups of coffee I realized that this is just a fairy tale ideal that women of many generations ago have implanted in our heads.

Disney's Beauty and the Beast

Take Walt Disney's Beauty and the Beast for example, the whole concept of this story is that Belle (the caring, beautiful woman who has a heart of gold) sticks around long enough to change the Beast's heart and transform him from a selfish, self centered, fugly being with anger issues into a prince charming. We as children believe that this is how life is supposed to be, that we have the ability or magical powers to change a man into our dream guy. Is this really a healthy mindset to be viewed by young girls? Does this mean that girls should neglect their dreams, aspirations and goals in hopes that their man will one day become their Mr. Right?

So let's think about this ladies, is it really worth all the energy and time on a man that will always be the same? Why is it that we can't accept them for who they are and live a happily ever after ending? Actually, weren't we the ones who wanted to give them a shot to begin with? If these men do not fit our criteria for an eligible boyfriend or husband, why did we even go on that first date?

All of these thoughts make me wonder if we subconsciously desire perfection in our spouses because we can not achieve perfection in ourselves. We take out our insecurities in our spouses. As for me, I want my boyfriend to be taller. Even though he is 6 inches taller than me I feel that I need him to be a foot taller. One day, after numerous days of hoping he'll grow taller, I realized that because I'm insecure of my height, I needed him to be bigger than me.

I've always been proud of my height (I'm 5'2 and a quarter almost 5'3) up until someone told me I'm too tall. I didn't think about it much but since then I felt that I needed a man that was much taller than me. Of course, this lead to my obsession with growth stretches.

Compared to the male gender, us females have seemingly higher rate of dissatisfaction of our bodies and lives. Most men do not care about their fashion choices and how their clothes reflect themselves to others.

Men remind me of thirteen year old teenagers, when the parents tell the teens in a authoritative way they refuse to do so. When women keep pushing them to change they will do the complete opposite. Precisely, this is true for everyone, no?

I've once heard that men are nothing without competence, which explains how short, bald, nerdy men end up with extremely beautiful, smart and faithful wives. Women crave that power, what attracts a woman to a man is his competence as a man. A man is conceptualized to be the bread winner and protector as for the women we are to be the care giver. I've come to a conclusion that the physical features of a man is what attracts a woman but their capabilities are what draws them in for more.
When these expectations are not met, women want a change but have already developed such a strong bond and comfort that they become desperate to change them.

This results to stress, disappointment and desire for the things which we do not have at the moment, therefore disregarding our spouses as "Mr. Not Right but Will be Right with My Help". Our hopes lead us to many hours of purchasing his clothes, doing his bookkeeping, cleaning his house, hiding the video games and many other hopeless behaviors. If we accepted them for who they are and out weight his bad qualities with his good ones, we can learn to be happy with what we got. Sadly, we don't know where to draw the line between accepting them and coexisting with a total loser.

Should we just wait and pray that he will eventually turn out to be our Mr. Right or take actions into our own hands? When is it OK to tell a man that he needs to change his ways and is it even possible for a person to change for their spouse? Change, my friend, is such a simple act yet so difficult to begin. Is it even moral for a person to ask another person to change themselves implying that they require some fixing and that there's nothing wrong with us?

Could it be that there is something wrong with us by thinking that it's OK to ask someone else to change for us? We always think "It's for his own good" and "He'll thank me later". Will he? Also, why don't we just end the relationship when we finally see that the things that need fixin' outweigh the things that we love about them? Maybe, instead of asking for changes from others, we should ask ourselves how we can change to better the situation.

It's like filing your finger nails, there's that one corner that needs filing and when we sand it down, we notice it doesn't match with the rest of the nine finger nails. Hence the reason why we must fix all of them.

Face it ladies, we want Mr. Right or nothing at all. I blame fairy tales.