Live Easy, Think Like a Man

From past relationships to new relationships, there's one thing that always gets to me. Men do not care.

 

Find it, Keep it. 

From opening doors to walking the date home, it's oblivious to them that in a relationship, chivalry still applies no matter how comfortable they are with each other. However, instead of feeling hurt or disappointed by this we all can make the situation better by thinking like a man.

Rather than feeling like we don't mean much to them just because they didn't offer to pay for your ice cream bill, we can just accept their gesture and return it some other way. For example, when he's over at your place and wants to change the channel, you keep to your rerun of Gilmore Girls.

Being single and out of a long, serious relationship, it made it hard for me to even think about dating other men and it made me compare them to the ex. Then it hit me, maybe women are overly sensitive and read too deep into something that doesn't carry any meaning. So bottom line, could life and relationship be much easier if we too dropped the expectations of what a man should be based off of Walt Disney's creation?

You know the one woman that has mastered this art of "Man-tality"? Samantha from Sex and the City.

She should be every woman's idol.

Matters of the Heart

In this day and age, romance seem to have evaporated into thin air and is replaces by lust and desire. There's no more sincerity or innocence in love.

Even when we find that one person who seems to be the perfect fit and the gentlest of the bunch and will never hurt us will hurt us.

I never knew the true meaning of being heartbroken until my heart refused to work. Too heartbroken to the point where the blood pressure drops and stops working properly.

I realized that I am always the girl who betters the life of others but ends up with a broken heart. I gave everything to a boy who didn't know where he was going. I helped him find his way but ended up losing mine. I spent three years helping a boy feel secure and safe; in return I got nothing.

We all have our ideal images of a spouse, where are they? They must exist because we want them and crave for them. Right? All things are based on real things, images, ideas and beliefs. Facts.

If they are based on real beings, they must exist. Or are they just a pigment of our imagination?

The (Ex)treme - how far will we go to get over an ex boyfriend?

The Break Up

People say "time heals all wounds", that within time all of the pain and suffering will soon decrease into nothing more than a quick flashback of memories. In order to arrive at this point of numbness and freedom, what needs to be done? What if waiting is not an option and getting over him needs to be done right at this moment?

Many women cry and mourn for weeks, even months to get over a relationship but not all women can afford to break down. Working women especially can not take time off for weeks by putting their obligation on hold to let time do it's job. These women need to pull themselves together and show up at the office on the following morning, so then what is their solution to this matter? Find yourself another hobby. Whether it's hiking, clubbing or another man, it always seems to do the trick.

Though this habit can be useful and tremendously successful, it can be harmful for the soul. This constant need to occupy oneself in order to repress their emotions and behave humanely can lead to feeling empty and unable to feel whole.

It's understandable to want to keep busy from letting the mind enter the state of depression but maybe it's healthy to cry, bitch and scream about the person who mattered the most.

There are women who lose all respect for oneself and punish themselves for letting the relationship go sour. Some women feel free to be out of the cage and have numerous sex with different partners, male or female. Other women latch on to other men to replace the previous one. Then there are women who seek revenge by transforming themselves to their ex partner's ideal image and brutally kicking him to the curb. 

How long must this madness continue before things get back to normal? Is there even a possibility that after a relationship things are not even slightly effected? Is there such thing as normal?

Even after all the pain and heartaches, can the mind not have  alterations of any kind? If the mind is not influenced then it means that person was of no significance.
Is this really what most women want? To not feel pain at all?

How many more drunken phone calls to the ex and late night booty calls does it take for women to finally accept that wallowing is a part of the break up and it's okay to want to do so?

It's normal to feel sad and lonely but once that mountain of aftermath has been climbed, the side of happiness and contentment is waiting on the other side. Take a look around and really appreciate life as it is because without it, there wouldn't be room for growth or the need to evolve as a human being.

No more putting up a front only to have it torn down with a single phone call. Just be sad then one day it won't be so scary any more.

Finding Mr. Right; Should Women Settle for Mr. Almost?

Many have attempted, rarely they've succeeded and majority have failed. Why is it that women have this mentality that men can be changed and that if they invest all of their love and wishful thoughts it will come true? Women have this idea that men desire our motherly care and that is what we are placed here for, but after seven cups of coffee I realized that this is just a fairy tale ideal that women of many generations ago have implanted in our heads.

Disney's Beauty and the Beast

Take Walt Disney's Beauty and the Beast for example, the whole concept of this story is that Belle (the caring, beautiful woman who has a heart of gold) sticks around long enough to change the Beast's heart and transform him from a selfish, self centered, fugly being with anger issues into a prince charming. We as children believe that this is how life is supposed to be, that we have the ability or magical powers to change a man into our dream guy. Is this really a healthy mindset to be viewed by young girls? Does this mean that girls should neglect their dreams, aspirations and goals in hopes that their man will one day become their Mr. Right?

So let's think about this ladies, is it really worth all the energy and time on a man that will always be the same? Why is it that we can't accept them for who they are and live a happily ever after ending? Actually, weren't we the ones who wanted to give them a shot to begin with? If these men do not fit our criteria for an eligible boyfriend or husband, why did we even go on that first date?

All of these thoughts make me wonder if we subconsciously desire perfection in our spouses because we can not achieve perfection in ourselves. We take out our insecurities in our spouses. As for me, I want my boyfriend to be taller. Even though he is 6 inches taller than me I feel that I need him to be a foot taller. One day, after numerous days of hoping he'll grow taller, I realized that because I'm insecure of my height, I needed him to be bigger than me.

I've always been proud of my height (I'm 5'2 and a quarter almost 5'3) up until someone told me I'm too tall. I didn't think about it much but since then I felt that I needed a man that was much taller than me. Of course, this lead to my obsession with growth stretches.

Compared to the male gender, us females have seemingly higher rate of dissatisfaction of our bodies and lives. Most men do not care about their fashion choices and how their clothes reflect themselves to others.

Men remind me of thirteen year old teenagers, when the parents tell the teens in a authoritative way they refuse to do so. When women keep pushing them to change they will do the complete opposite. Precisely, this is true for everyone, no?

I've once heard that men are nothing without competence, which explains how short, bald, nerdy men end up with extremely beautiful, smart and faithful wives. Women crave that power, what attracts a woman to a man is his competence as a man. A man is conceptualized to be the bread winner and protector as for the women we are to be the care giver. I've come to a conclusion that the physical features of a man is what attracts a woman but their capabilities are what draws them in for more.
When these expectations are not met, women want a change but have already developed such a strong bond and comfort that they become desperate to change them.

This results to stress, disappointment and desire for the things which we do not have at the moment, therefore disregarding our spouses as "Mr. Not Right but Will be Right with My Help". Our hopes lead us to many hours of purchasing his clothes, doing his bookkeeping, cleaning his house, hiding the video games and many other hopeless behaviors. If we accepted them for who they are and out weight his bad qualities with his good ones, we can learn to be happy with what we got. Sadly, we don't know where to draw the line between accepting them and coexisting with a total loser.

Should we just wait and pray that he will eventually turn out to be our Mr. Right or take actions into our own hands? When is it OK to tell a man that he needs to change his ways and is it even possible for a person to change for their spouse? Change, my friend, is such a simple act yet so difficult to begin. Is it even moral for a person to ask another person to change themselves implying that they require some fixing and that there's nothing wrong with us?

Could it be that there is something wrong with us by thinking that it's OK to ask someone else to change for us? We always think "It's for his own good" and "He'll thank me later". Will he? Also, why don't we just end the relationship when we finally see that the things that need fixin' outweigh the things that we love about them? Maybe, instead of asking for changes from others, we should ask ourselves how we can change to better the situation.

It's like filing your finger nails, there's that one corner that needs filing and when we sand it down, we notice it doesn't match with the rest of the nine finger nails. Hence the reason why we must fix all of them.

Face it ladies, we want Mr. Right or nothing at all. I blame fairy tales.

The Secret Garden of crap that girls do to torture their men

Yes, things have been rough and I was gone for a while but I'm back. Still marching on whether people read this crap or not. Well, I won't necessarily call it crap because it's my thoughts and beliefs that I share in this blog.

I've recently resigned from the Kapio and is not currently just filling the spaces in this blog with stuff that happened to me in between those times. Make sense? For fun, I guess?

There is something that I want to share with all of you and it's connected to the huge earthquake that happened in Haiti not too long ago. I was driving to school one morning with the radio on, I heard a super romantically sad story of an American woman who went to Haiti couple years ago to do volunteer service work. She was trapped under couple feet of concrete and to her surprise she was rescued by her husband. Talk about knight in shinning armor. Seriously.

Only if our everyday lives were like that, right?

Listening to that made me think about my boyfriend and how I should cherish him more because one day, Oahu will have a gigantic earthquake and I will be trapped under couple feet of grass and mangoes and I won't be able to see him ever again. That's a really sad thought.
OK, for real this time. It made me realize how easily we take our loved ones for granted and how short and cruel life can be. Fortunately, this woman was rescued but thousands of others were not.

Even something small that people do for us, like when our boyfriends hold our purses during sidewalk sales. Those acts of kindness are rarely thanked for and vaguely remembered because we are programmed to believe that when people reach a certain level in a relationship or just because they are this or that, it's their responsibility to do such things for us. Another example; toilet seats. Who made it a rule that they are meant to stay up? Who made it a rule that guys have to put the seat down for us girls? Maybe the girls should stop bitching about the toilet seat not being down for their convenience and put that shit up once in a while for the fellas. Just a thought.

It's understandable if the boyfriend is an asshole and expects way too much from the girl, then yeah, fuck em and don't do shit for him. But when your guy is a sweetheart, it doesn't hurt to watch ESPN once in a while with a fatty homemade chicken salad sandwich to keep him company.

OK, I know I'm defending the guys way too much here but maybe girls screw each other over by sticking with these rules and shit that apparently is like "the law" in relationships. Women feed each other with useless stereotypical analysis of the "different types of men" and we screw ourselves over by listening to it and believing that all [fill in the blank] guys are all [fill in the blank]. Then when women "take a chance" and date these men, in the back of their mind they feel like they have to be in control of the relationship and be aware of what those kind of men are known for.

That's why men say that we are crazy.


In reality we are just too bloody brilliant for our own kind.

Therefore giving off the image that we are crazy.

When you think about it, it all makes sense.





It's it funny?

 
All of these thoughts came to mind just because of that 45 second news break on the radio.

The Secret Garden of ex-boyfriends we despise

At first they just blow us away with the numerous amount of red roses, romantic dinners, late night car rides to look at stars, the complements on our outfits, the shopping sprees, the hugs and kisses, then BAM! They show their true self.


The unshaved faces, burping, farting, yelling, the never ending demands for food, showing us off in front of their friends, the mood swings, constantly telling us to stop our whining (which we don't), yelling at us to change our outfits because he doesn't want other guys to stare, their clingyness, the check-up-on-you phone calls every half hour when we out with our girlfriends, the "why aren't you texting me back" text messages, and the damn TV permanently playing ESPN.

The loving, caring guy we fell in love with just fades away along with the feelings we had for them so the fighting begins and so do the childish games. Eventually after a long, brutal war it ends, it all ends.

I definitely had my share of bad boyfriends and in the end I don't ever regret the experiences I had with them because if they didn't treat me badly, I would have never known what a good, healthy relationship will feel like.

One time when breaking up with a boyfriend I told him that I felt like he behaved differently when we are alone and when we are with his friends, that I felt like he was only nice to me when we were wit his friends and he was really loving in front of them. These were his words "I don't know like, all the guys they act like I can't get one chick and like they all tell me that you're hot and I want to show them like hey I can get one hot chick and like she stay with me."
SO.... what the hell does that mean?

It hit me hard because I liked him a lot but he only considered me as a trophy girlfriend. And honestly, I should have known that he was a jerk when all his guy friends made it a game to see if they can steal me away from him.

I realized that the people that he liked to surround himself around speaks for themselves. Not one of them were descent, they all were into drinking and partying. At one point I had to sit in a car while his friend drove me home while intoxicated. Of course at 16 I had no car so he was my only way of getting home, then he decides to drop me off home last even though my house was closer than everyone else's house. It's really frightening to sit in a car with a drunk guy who kept trying to make passes at me, because he was intoxicated I wasn't sure if he was going to hit me.

Now that I look back on it, all of my ex-boyfriends were jerks and so immature.

I mean, what's wrong with the way we dress? If I wear a V-neck all hell breaks loose. There's yelling and cussing, but that's nothing compared to the fights that we girls have to have with them when we wear skirts. We are not stupid, we are not going to sit with our legs open! Why is it that guys get so angry when we wear shorts but we don't yell at them for walking around with their shirts off. IT'S THE SAME THING!!

Another time, I had this ex-boyfriend who kept walking around with his shirt off, wherever we went, there it went- his shirt went flying off up over his head and to his back seat. Even to the mall, or to Safeway. Then he would yell at me for wearing a shirt that made my boobs look big. Okay damn it I have boobs, deal with it. I couldn't understand at the time but when we broke up he said that most of the time he felt like he wasn't getting enough attention so he felt like he had to tone me down.

Why is it that I kept going out with losers with low self esteem?


I don't consider myself to be overly good looking or talented, I'm average, ordinary and I like that.



I left Korea when I was about 8 years old so I attended 1st grade for about a month there, on my first day of school I had a traumatic incident where I had to go use the girl's room and two boys from my school followed me to the bathroom and tackled me to the floor. One of them jumped on top of me and tried to kiss me or whatever he was trying to do and his friend was holding me down. So once in a while I still get scared that someone will tackle me in a bathroom.


Ever since then I didn't want to be noticed or seen, I went though a tomboy phase for god sakes. I wore boy jeans and t-shirts.


The past relationships that we all had that were horrible was actually a blessing in disguise, we learned, matured and it made us realize that there are bigger and better fishes out there. That even though we get hurt and we can't get back up quickly, we will be okay.


Better than okay, we'll be Grrrrreeeaaaaat!