Wednesday, October 28, 2009


i really want to thank everyone who read my blogs and said some really nice thing about it. To me it's an outlet to channel my feelings and thoughts based on the events that occur in my life and has occurred in my life but you all took it to the heart. I really appreciate all the support.
It encourages me to write more and more.

Once again, thank you so very much. The simple sentences like "You are an amazing writer" and "You have a talented way of expressing your thoughts and feelings" really keeps me full with gratitude that I'm about to explode!

Last week has been really tough and this week is even harder.

So my mother and I would like to thank everyone who comforted us and assured us that things will be okay, we are touched by your kindness. Every day we get home we think about everything you all have done for us and it keeps us going.

We love and care for you all so very much and thank you. From the bottom of our hearts.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009


--this is just a column I wrote a while ago but didn't get published, it was something that I really wanted to share and discuss.

Rotten Apple of the Heart; pick it now or let it devour the soul

By: Sunnie Kim

Growing up I barely had any problems with bullies or being picked on, I always watched by when a friend was getting pushed upon and sometimes stepped in when it got too rough. I never witnessed someone get severely injured so punishing the bully never crossed my mind until recently I heard about my co- worker’s son being bullied.

Jack* is in the 7th grade and couple days ago he was late coming home from school so when my co-worker asked why he was late he merely recognized his mother and ran upstairs. Later she found out that he got beaten by a school bully that afternoon at a bus stop when Jack* refused to give him his allowance money. At dinner that night Jack* refused to eat because he couldn’t chew; his two bottom back teeth was broken on his right side. His explanation for the incident was that he missed the bus so while he was waiting the bully came and threatened him for his money. When he replied that he doesn’t have any on him the bulldozer clobbered him and ran off. In a panic, Jack* walked back to his school and washed out his bloody mouth at the nearest water fountain then caught the next bus home. Jack also told his parents that this isn’t the first time this has happened; for many months the bully would throw him around during recess, verbally abuse him and it came no surprise to me that he’s bullied other students also.

The next day Jack and his dad went to the school and the police came. After filing a police report, the police asked other students if they have been harassed also and came to a conclusion that they will do further research on the boy when they couldn’t get in touch with his father upon Jack’s request. The question is, should the school and police leave all the decisions to the 12 year old? I believe that the school should take the initiative and do the background search with or without his request because what if he is being abused at home and learned to take out his anger on other kids?

Of course Jack* is going to say that he doesn’t want to take any action because he’s just a 12 year old and he’s scared. That’s why the police needs to step in and assign the bully to attend mandatory psychotherapy sessions. If the kid can beat up another classmate that badly and have the nerve to lie about it, he should be put into therapy. Lastly, the fact that he’s a minor shouldn’t excuse him from getting punishment, give him community service at least! Detention and suspension is not enough, an authoritative action needs to be taken or else he’s going to think that he can get away with beating kids up. Something needs to be done and it needs to be done now.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

The Secret Garden of losing a grandparent

The phrase "Never forget where you come from" really has a deeper meaning. When we forget where we come from we forget who we are, where our features came from and where we are most ourselves at.

Recently I flew back to my home land where I was born and raised by my grandparents until I was 7 years old, my mother and I received news that my grandmother was in the emergency room in critical condition. Until I got there it never really hit me that she was in a bad condition, the moment we got off the plane we zoomed off to the hospital. There I greeted my poor grandfather who was drowned in tears and I walked in to the room where my grandma was. Her body was covered under a thin blanket which only showed an outline of her; her stomach was extremely over sized and her body was so fragile that just by grazing her arm I felt like I was causing her enormous amount of pain. Her left hand was black and swollen, I could see the marks left over from the stabbing of needles, little drops of blood was trickling down slowly under the saran wrap like material that was holding the needle in place.

It felt different to see her that way, my grandmother was a strong person, a person who never gave in to pain and always held on for the very last fight, she was a trooper, a fighter, she was my hero.

The doctor said that she was unconscious and she showed no signs of movement but when we stood by her bedside and told her that we were here she moved her left hand and tapped mine. Just like when she tapped my mom's hand with her left foot when she told her that she was here to see her.

As I sit in my room reminiscing the memories of my time with her I have a lot of regrets, how I could have been more nice to her, spend more time with her, call her every Sundays, and involve her more in my life are all the things that I could have done. One thing I know I did correctly was telling her that I love her, every time I called her, I told her that I love her because I had a friend who always told her mom that she loved her when they hung up the phone. She wasn't a very good friend but she taught me something; tomorrow is unpredictable so express our love for the ones we secretly care for the most so that way when they leave our side they know how we felt about them.

I gained so much knowledge about myself from this experience, that being an adult is not as glamorous as it's advertised to be. Being an adult meant holding my grandfather while he shed his tears, being a shoulder to cry on for my mother, accompanying the adults as we held my grandmother's icy cold body for the last time, seeing the limp lifeless body that's supposed to be censored for the young eyes, watch helplessly as they slid my grandmother's corpse into the cremation oven, and being in front row to see her bronze skeleton row out of the chamber after the process. Being an adult meant there was no mercy for the eyes, I had to endure the raw images along with the cruel reality of death. Being an adult meant giving empty hugs and kisses to those who never cared from the start and biting my tongue when I wanted to curse them for faking their tears. For my young age at 18 I saw what most people can only see in movies, it was painful but it helped me mature.

So remembering where we came from is an important thing to remember. My hair, eyes and body structure came from my grandmother. Her silky smooth hair stood out like a sore thumb in the old pictures, the complements I get on my features are all thanks to her.

Before I left Korea I promised her that I'm not going to cry anymore, crying will just drain my energy and only bring sadness. I promised to stand tall with my chin up and keep marching forward, to live the life that was given to me by mother, and accomplish everything that I want to accomplish. I promised to make her proud and show everyone that this is who I am and that I can be even more, I am my grandmother's granddaughter and she raised me to be the best I can be. To not let my tongue spit poison but let my actions rise above those who try to bring me down.

Yes, I've learned a lot from my grandmother's passing and like I mentioned before.. time is a precious, precious thing. Time will not wait and it will not show compassion. time will ride on without accommodation. Which is why within this short period of time that we have here on Earth we must grasp the moment, live every second to our fullest and give our all at everything we do.

My grandmother's death was unavoidable, it was going to happen now or later. But I truly feel that it gave me a new perspective on life. I still have a lot more years to go and I'm going to live it well.

Monday, October 19, 2009

The Secret Garden of losing loved ones

It's 10:48pm and I will be boarding tomorrow at 12 noon to Korea to see my grandma. I never lost a loved one before, well actually someone so close to me before. So such thoughts like "Is she going to be okay?" and "I wonder how she looks like?" keeps running through my head like a NIKE commercial. Usually I like to keep these kind of things private but I decided to share this experience with those who have not yet lost someone.

The tremendous amount of fear is the very first thing that runs through my veins, mainly because I honestly don't know how it will feel. My boyfriend's grandfather passed away and I was there to comfort him and tell him that he's in a better place. Of course I couldn't fully understand what he was feeling or how to comfort him because I have never had a family member or anyone pass away.

I have lost many people, not in that kind of sense but in other ways. I've lost numerous friends to drugs, alcohol addiction and even prostitution. Growing up I saw first hand how a person sways and fall down the wrong path.

My best friend in 6th grade was a real goody two shoes, she never cursed and she NEVER littered. One time we gotten into a really big fight due to my careless littering of a gum wrapper, for god's sake it's a gum wrapper. She came from a descent Hawaiian family, they were tight and always cared for one another. They were well mannered, respectful and very understanding. Her parents always set the best examples possible for her and she followed very well. Then slowly she began to feel low and restless thinking that people hate her. She had a very small flaw, she had a tear drop size of a mole on her ear that was easily covered up by her long black hair. This never bothered me, I didn't find it gross or anything. But the other girls who I hung out with thought differently.

I socialized with girls who mainly cared about their looks rather than the grades they got on their exams, that cared more about who's dating who and what designer brand was most popular that season. So when we started to reach that point in our lives where there was rivalry between girls, they attacked the most vulnerable from the herd.

Boy, did they tear her apart, they played dirty and always got away with it. No matter how hard I tried to defend her and make the other girls see that she's no different that any of us, they ganged up on her even more. So eventually she did "bad" things to fit in. The last I heard was that she was selling herself on the corner to get cash for heroine. Her mother called me and said i was forbidden from seeing her ever again, and just like that my best friend was taken away from me.

This is just one of the stories I wanted to share about how I lost my closest friend throughout the short years of my life. And none of them compares to the thought of losing my only grandmother. i know there are many others out there who wishes that they had more time with the ones that they've lost and I my heart goes out to them. I wish I had more time to love and appreciate her, I wish I spent more time with her when I had the chance.

Lesson learned: Never underestimate the importance of time. Time is like reefs in the ocean and the innocence planted in children. It's something that goes unnoticed, it's beauty is subtle and silent. It's even more precious than the 7 wonders of the world and the generations of mankind. If used wisely, time can be used to experience every experience, achieve the unachievable, believe in the unbelievable, and live the very life that was given to us to its magnificent best.
Without it, the joy we feel, the sadness we learn to endure, the hope we forever hold in our hearts, and the love we express for others are all meaningless. I ask myself "How can we do all of this without time?"

We can't.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

The Secret Garden of working over time and emergency patients

The date was October 15th 2009, the time was 4:00pm, location: acupuncture clinic.
When I took this job I never thought that I would be stuck after hours with an emergency patient, squeezing puss and tissues out of a patient's stomach for 3 hours.

Patient comes in at 4:00pm, sits down in the waiting area and leaves to the bathroom then I hear a desperate yelling coming from the bathroom. I bring in the doctor to the bathroom and when she got there, there was puss everywhere, on the floor, the door handle, the trashcan, just everywhere. He suffered from a long term disease which imitated colitis, which is a inflammation of the colon that causes diarrhea, abdominal pain, painful bowl movements, etc..
His lower stomach was hard, he looked about 6 feet and weighed less than 110 lbs, so he had a very thin frame but with a rock solid lower stomach that stuck out like a pregnant woman's belly.

No one knew what it was, his doctors has given up and concluded that he might not be able to make it. So eventually he came to our clinic looking for help, he took our herbal medicine and the inflammation started to worsen. We found out that the thing that was in his stomach was years and years of puss that has built up by the bacterias that was living in his body. The puss eventually became solid and expanded, so the herbal medicine liquefied it and the skin was no longer able to hold it; so it exploded.

We spent 4 hours tending to the patient and placing tissues under him so the puss can flow out, we didn't even squeeze it most of the time and it came out. The most painful part was when a tissue or the root of the problem; the bacteria chunks were exposed and the acupuncture doctor had to pull it out of his 6 mm diameter hole in his stomach. It was definitely disturbing, the smell lingered around the clinic until the next day, half a gallon of Clorox did the trick I must say. So we spent from 4 in the afternoon til 7 in the evening and I stayed until 8pm sanitizing and cleaning.

<--Yes, that is a picture of me taking a 2 minute break, the picture was taken by my boyfriend who waited 4 hours to take me home. Thanks babe. I took pictures of the whole mess but I wont post it because it might traumatize the readers. At the end of the day I was exhausted, I had a paper to write and when I got home after a short dinner it was already 10pm. That's when the tears came, having two jobs going to school full time and this was just the cherry on top. Anyone who is going to school and working will feel my pain. There is that point in our lives where our everyday routine becomes too much and we need a break, but what happens when the break doesn't come?

The lives we live are not picture perfect but bitching about it wont do us any good either. I learned to accept the situations as they come and if there is something that we can do about it to make it better, I should do it. But if there is no way out and we need to wait until things become smoother then we should. For a year now I've been complaining about how I am sacrificing so much for my family and nothing made me feel better until I realized it'll get better later. That doesn't mean I'm going to wait here like a fool for my "moment". No. It means if there is a way out but it's not due to be here until next year; I'll plan and set it to action when the time is due instead of forcing them to happen now.

Patience.. I'm learning it. Day by day.

Friday, October 16, 2009

The Secret Garden and That 70's Show

It's an obsession and it's official. I love the 70's show. This is one of the best comedy shows ever. It has the whole package; the spoiled brat, the tomboy, the ridiculously stupid good looking bonehead, the reliable one, the foreign kid, and the pot head orphan. It's a feel good show!

I'm sure everyone has their own favorite show that they just love to indulge after a long day at work or school. It's like having a cigarette, only that it wont give us cancer and it wont cost as much money as actually buying cigarettes. Also I must say I love the show's constant exercising of the word dumbass.

So how is this a big part of our life?

Shows like this drives people nuts, they schedule their work around it, they record it, they replay it, they buy posters, they buy DVDs, they google the casts, they just cant get enough of it. The shows are what keeps us sane in my point of view, when we are just having that one really crappy day and all we wanna do is just ugh! not do anything, just relax at home, just pop in that DVD of our favorite show and just watch the show. It clears our mind and relaxes us.

As I am writing this right now I am watching the season 4 of That 70's Show from my very new special edition DVD set of all seasons1 thru 8 that I just bought 4 days ago.

My favorite has to be Hyde, he's fricken hilarious. He was in beethoven's 2nd as the kid who takes out Rice on his motorcycle. Ooh la la.
And what's the deal with Leo man? He's like Jesus man. Like he's so cool man like he's done everything man.

That 70's Show is like a stress reliever, and some how eventually I'm not going to watch it as much as I do now. Yeah, like a phase but it kind of come back like an old knee injury. But it's going to be a part of our lives, we are going to always turn to the little part in the back of our minds where we remembered how great it felt to watch the show. Then we are gonna put that DVD in our player and watch it over and over again!

Another thing, isn't it gross how Jackie was 14 and Ashton was like 20 when they filmed the first season? And they were going at it like dogs. And what's up with Jackie and her rainbow stuff? It's like a leprechaun tackled her and vomited rainbows on her, only with out the pot of gold.

Okay so this is the episode where Dana is with Casey in a hotel room and Eric comes to stop her. It's so sad, he's so hung over her and what's more sad is that the most nicest guys in the world ends up all hung up on one girl. I have this friend who has the most annoying, ten timing, cheating, lying girlfriend in the world and my friend is such a sweet guy. And he's hung up on her. So there you go. my point proven.

In conclusion, That 70's Show is great, greatness and all things good. Teaches life long lessons and things what not to do. It gets us through tough times and comforts us.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

The Secret Garden of being afraid of the swine flu

H1N1 Swine Flu Cases - U.S.A.

U.S.A. Cases Deaths
Alabama 330

Alaska 60
Arizona 761
Arkansas 42

California 1985
Colorado 136

Connecticut 1247
Delaware 316

Florida 1302
Georgia 118

Hawaii 616

Idaho 92

Illinois 3166
Indiana 267

Iowa 92

Kansas 117

Kentucky 130

Louisiana 183

Maine 82

Maryland 591
Massachusetts 1308
Michigan 484
Minnesota 576
Mississippi 161

Missouri 65
Montana 67

Nebraska 111

Nevada 301

New Hampshire 224

New Jersey 1159
New Mexico 232

New York
North Carolina 255
North Dakota 57

Ohio 120
Oklahoma 128
Oregon 366
Pennsylvania 1748
Rhode Island 158
South Carolina 160

South Dakota 29

Tennessee 174

Texas 3991
Utah 920
Vermont 49

Virginia 191
Washington 588
Washington DC 33

West Virginia 154
Wisconsin 5861
Wyoming 81

TOTAL 33,902

-- Honestly I was one of those people who never worried about swine flu, thinking no way is that thing gonna harm me or people around me, but then I got a call from my sister who is currently in boot camp for Army National Guard in South Carolina. She said that on of the soldiers that were there died from a lung disease. She said that everyone was required to call their families to let them know that everyone else is okay. Later on in the news there was an announcement that the soldier died from swine flu.

It made me wonder, how did he get swine in the first place? Did this guy get it before camp and died there? Or did he catch it there?

Actually, when she called us it was about a week and a half ago and she said from that day, almost a week before, the soldier died. For a moment I started to question the government, they inspect the soldiers to make sure that they are not infected with anything, that they get vaccinated. How could they overlook this?

Of course I came to my senses and realized that the soldier must have caught it during camp. Then for a minute I pictured the ill soldier in my head, all the pain he must have gone through. Not only did he have the flu, he had to go through training. He must have suffered so much.

There are even more cases of swine flu that didn't get reported, it's frightening to know that so many people died from this flu in Mexico and now it's spreading everywhere. I never paid attention to this flu, I never thought that it would affect me in anyway but I realized that there is chance that my family members could catch swine, so it's best to be on the look out for this flu.

At some point I was paranoid about it because someone can have it and pass it to a friend and that friend will pass it to a friend and that person will pass it to someone I know and then I'll have it. People say that it's mind over matter but doesn't that only apply to pain? I guess not but still if it become a obsession what's going to happen next?

Monday, October 12, 2009

The Secret Garden of forgotten birthdays

It's a bummer, forgotten birthdays are the worst, the forgotten-er feels the tremendous amount of guilt and the forgotten-nee feels the cold shoulder. Then there is that awkwardness that dwells around the whole day and even forces the meanest people to be nice for that one special day. Unfortunately I am one of those people who forgot a birthday today, it's my co-worker's birthday and i forgot it. The shame! I felt really bad since she gave me a 100 dollars for my birthday and have been so nice to me though out the year.

Can forgotten birthdays separate friendships, relationships and even family ties? Just because of that one day can it drive people apart?

From my personal experience I believe it does. I had a friend who considered me her best friend but to me she was one of those friend who I felt that only called or messaged me when she needed something from me. So when I didn't text or call on her birthday she got upset and that ended our friendship.

So in conclusion, we threw my co-worker a party in the end and she appreciated it, she didn't want one from us but it was something that we felt like we needed to do. Birthday cupcakes, tiaras and sashes were involved, she looked pretty.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

The Secret Garden of customers we hate

It's unavoidable, they are everywhere and they keep coming back...

Yes, you guess it, customers - annoying, rude, arrogant customers. Age and gender doesn't matter, nor does race, height or size; they come in different forms and share the same mind crushing characteristics. They enter the "DO NOT ENTER" zones, they pull, push, fondle with things that clearly says "DO NOT TOUCH", they demand that they get their money back after opening and re-taping back their products, and they always want things to be accommodated to them.

I really feel sorry for cashiers, I swear they have it the worst because it's dealing with money. I work as a front desk clerk so I feel their pain, it's exhausting trying to deal with them. And how we deal with them is a even bigger headache, of course we can't yell at them or just bang their heads against the table, no that's unprofessional. All we can do is talk to them in a reasonable manner which is torture!

Things would be so much easier if there was a guidebook about how to handle these things, a little black book that has step by step instructions on how to talk to the patients calmly and not offending them so that they will leave immediately, how wonderful would our lives be if that existed? Unfortunately that is too good to be true and life would be drama-less if we had one of those books so that's why we have to learn to deal with these kinds of things the hard way.

One time I was working at the clinic and this woman demanded to see Rosie, for those of you who don't know Rosie is my boss/mother's dog and she is just precious. Rosie usually sleeps in her bed right next to my desk where patients are not allowed to come in. So this patient decides that she wants to pet her while she is sleeping and comes barging in to the employees only area, so I stopped her and said "I'm sorry but this is an employees only area," then she gives me the most coldest look and says " I only want to see the dog, I'm not doing anything." Usually my older sister who is more masculine handles these kinds of situations but she is in South Carolina for her training at the Army Base. So for a good 5 minutes I repeated the sentence over until she gave up and sat down. Then the next week she came back for her treatment and she does it again! Why? Why does this woman keep doing this? Honestly I don't know, but what I do know is that there are unreasonable people out there who have absolutely no common sense. We can't control the peoples' stupidity, all we can do is control ourselves and perform the appropriate actions to the customers. It's frustrating, I know, sometimes I want to slap them upside the head and most of the time I imagine that in my head and it helps me to put a smile on my face while I deal with them.

Bad customers are a pain in the neck and from personal experiences, do whatever it is that make you feel better but never NEVER use ice cream as an outlet for your feelings - they go straight to the thighs.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

The Secret Garden for the love of Dogs

We all have reached a point in our lives where we love another person, cared for another person and done everything in our power to keep that person happy. It's exactly like that only it's about a dog, the big question is "Is that normal?" Honestly where do we draw the line between loving a dog and being completely obssessed about it? My dog Rosie is a tiny little shitzu and she is spoiled to the max, she has never been on a leash nor has she ever walked on a street. For her birthdays she get an overly expensive Juicy Couture doggy carrier with embedded crystals and an imitation sheep skin blanket so her precious little body won't be tossed around in the carrier.

What could possibly be the reason why people do these things? Actually better yet, why is it that my mother do these ridiculous things to the poor little dog? She needs to be freed, run wild with her tongue flapping out of her mouth and bark at helpless birds. Is it love or is it being too attached? Or even worse, believing that dumping on mountains of designer products for a dog will bring them love?

So that leads to a new question: How far will people go to keep their dogs "happy"?

I work at an acupuncture clinic so there are loads of people who adore Rosie and spoils her every time they come to the clinic for their treatment. One of our patients have brought her doggy dresses while the other brought her chopped sweet potatoes in a little container. Talk about high maintenance, Rosie DOES NOT drink warm water nor does she drink water that has been sitting out for more than 2 hours. How would she know if it's been sitting out that long, no one knows.

I swear she is not a canine, she is a reincarnation of a princess who died from having all of her excessive unnecessary objects falling on her when she opened her closet; her excessively, unnecessarily, ginormous closet.

Rosie refuses to eat eggs, shrimp, certain types of fish, soy sauce, and all cream cheeses except the vegetable garden cream cheese along with her toasted bagel. Surprisingly my mother accommodates to her ridiculous needs and spoon feeds her the food during dinner time.

I wonder how many people feel like their parents/spouses dogs have been picked over themselves because I certainly feel like that. Which makes me question the whole purpose of having a dog, isn't having a kid enough? I always thought the whole purpose of having a dog is to be a watch dog, at least I think so? Don't get me wrong I love dogs, it was my idea to get Rosie and it was my money that got her to our house. But it's gotten to he point where she has taken our fur jackets and seat cushions for her personal needs. What about my fur jacket needs?!

Maybe one day there will be a law against unfair jacket stealing for dogs.

That would be just delightful.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Live as you wish

Take a breath, stop... Hold it, count to 10, breathe out. Every time I do this I feel energized, as if that big breath of air filled up my soul and recharged it to it's normal state. Then I get to thinking, am I doing everything that I wanted to do? I'm 18 years old now, did I accomplish everything that I wanted to accomplish by the time I reached this age? And the answer is always no. This very ritual keeps me going, my own energizer bunny, the beating to my drum that motivates me to push on and on until my very last day.

Remembering my first day of American school, which was my first day of 2nd grade and I was clueless as the sheep that got separated from Mary. My first assignment was to write my name and what I want to be when I grew up, I was going to write that I wanted to be a veterinarian but instead I wrote "I want to grow up and be like my mommy." Now 10 years has passed and I'm still on that same path but is it the path that I want to take? My mother is an acupuncturist, I have been working at her clinic for about a year now and the more I think about it I don't like the environment. Dealing with the patients and doing what I do, I'm not so sure if acupuncture is the way to go for me, I mean I appreciate it and acupuncture actually does work but I don't know if that's my "dream job".

When we live do we really live to the fullest? Sometimes I say that it's because I don't have the time for it and that I don't have that kind of opportunity to go for it. We are always going to have a reason or excuse for not following our dreams and goals but it's not our environment that keeps us from breaking free, it's ourselves that's holding us back.

I love to write, I might be any good but I love it, I want to write and I want to continue writing. My life was set up for me where I didn't have a say in what college I wanted to go to or if I wanted to live in another state so I blamed my unsatisfied life on those reasons. But I realized that I have more than enough chances to do what I want to do because no one can live my life for me and the more I accepted that I gained more confidence. After telling my mother that I wanted to go to the mainland for school, of course she was against this but in the end she agreed that it would be a good experience for me to have.

How we live our life is up to us, as simple as that.

Who in the world said that we can't?